Well well well, what do know... fall is amongst us yet again. Although, it doesn't "feel" like it is with the hot summer sun still kissing our tan skin with 100 degree heat (if you're from the West), I just know fall is coming. "How are you so sure?" some ask. Well because fall is apart of the four necessary seasons of course! September just said hello, and now we go on about our American buisness of hitting up the Bath and Body Works buy three get three free sale of pumpkin spice this or cinnamon bun that. Head to TJ Maxx for the insane deals on the best and cutest throw blankets, fall decor and coffee mugs. You know, get our act together for the new season... the norm. But could I be the only one that sits here in a mystery thinking "what in the world did I accomplish in this season other than intensifying my tan lines?" Please tell me "nah girl, I feel you!" Because I can't help but remember all that God had me doing this time last year. And feel as if I'm not doing enough.
A young ordained minister, traveling to a few different small towns in West Texas to preach the gospel at different gatherings and conferences. Prepping for a conference of my own that fell on my heart in a small town that I had the privilege of living in for five years. Serving in my local church wherever I was needed. Being apart of an additional non profit that was built on making Christs name known in another city where I'd be commuting to and from multiple times a month. And on top of that, holding down a full time job as a victims advocate at a womens shelter, and a part time job as a boot camp coach at a CrossFit gym... AND ON TOP OF THAT doing my best to keep my home and marriage in order, trying to spend as much quality time with my husband before he left to serve our country in the Airforce. Woo! Just typing that makes me think I was crazy. Grace at its finest I tell yuh. But then a new season came.. just like fall will suddenly come with that one crisp morning. A sudden shift from one day to the next of moving from West Texas, to Las Vegas, Nevada.
My husband being stationed here was the last place I ever thought God would send us. I was content, and I trusted Him of course. But even after moving here I still wondered out of pure curiosity "why in the world did you send us here Lord?" Yet, after a good ol' drive around the depth of certain neighborhoods, I began to try and pick Gods brain (notice I said try) and get ahead of Him only "thinking" of what I should be doing. *spoiler alert: BIG MISTAKE* "Ahh.. THIS is why Lord. I get it! You want me to help the feed and love on the homeless and continue working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, or maybe even girls that have been trafficked! (Since that has always been heavy on my heart) GOT IT. I'M YOUR GIRL. I'll start sending out my resume today!" Sent resume after resume ya'll, and NOTHING. I had three interviews with 3 different agencies through time but, NOTHING. I was so confused. I applied at EVERY shelter here in Las Vegas. Even places that were built on just helping people in the most general ways. Why was God all of a sudden silent? Why wasn't he opening any doors? Time passed and it ended up being nearly two months later that I still had not found job. I began applying at places that I never even felt the need to. I just hoped to get hired anywhere at that point, honestly. Homegirl just needed a j-o-b! But the funny, yet not so funny thing is, in the midst of worship through my days, I would sense God telling me that He didn't want me to work in this season. I was sure that I was hearing Him wrong because "HE KNOWS" I'm not a sit still kinda gal. Like, I gotta be out there encouraging people and making a living and helping and doing and going! I mean, it's what we are suppose to do as Christ followers right? "The harvest is plenty!" I thought. So by God, I applied at Planet Fitness where my husband and I would workout, and low and behold... I got the job!!
I was never so excited to get a job! So much so that it made me remember that with all of my previous jobs, God just gave them to me. Never have I ever had to work so stinkin' hard to get a job. But never mind that, right?... WRONG. I should have took that as a sign. I'm ashamed to say this, but after all that crying I did, just three skimpy weeks after starting my front desk job at Planet Fitness, I was miserable! I had never, and I mean never been so petty *inside* since I began my walk with the Lord 10 years ago. Even though I was carrying my smile as best I could, doing my best to encourage people and make them feel excepted and loved, claiming scriptures of joy by the day and working to the best of my ability, I would low key pray everyday that my workday would fly by. Everyday, until I heard God so profoundly say in my spirit, "You done wanting it your way?" Not in a scolding way of course, but in that fatherly, smoothly lean on your bed room door way, cross his gentle arms and chuckle kinda way. After previously going through this with Him in the past, I had felt so bad that I yet again, jumped ahead of His will for my life. And fought so hard for a job that He never even asked me to go after from the get go. Immediately, I knew I needed to repent, and obey. I went home that evening, spoke to my husband about it (he agreed) and I put my two weeks notice in the next day. (Granted, this is four months into working there, not three weeks haha.) And the same day I put my notice in, my manger had received two resumes for any available position that she had open. *Look at God*.
So, now for the juice and crux of this blog; two weeks pass, "Well, what do I do now Lord?" I asked. His response? Ha. "Nothing. I want you to be still, enjoy time with your husband and take care of your household. Stay in my presence and I'll guide you as to what to do next when the time is right." And this is where He got me y'all. A fresh revelation and a new word, if you will. I then responded "Lord, what about what you've called me to do.. you know, teach and serve and stuff? I just feel bad if I'm not doing something." His response: "Ohh my sweet Brandy, I want you to understand that you're calling may change from season to season Beloved, but your PURPOSE will always stay the same; to know me and to make me known." Mic drop moment from our Maker? Uh, YES!! That one word from Him made me so freaking content, like I can't even.
Picture this, you go your whole life thinking you're just made to love God, love others and preach. Or love God, love others and sing/worship. Or love God, love others and do mission work. Or be a mom, or business owner etc. Then God comes in and says "no Love, yes that COULD be the case, but I may have you teach bible studies one season, then lead worship at your local church the next. You may be a fitness coach, then boom a real-estate agent. A full time nurse, to a stay at home wife/mom. A pastor of a church, the pass the baton and build a Godly business and be a family man/women." Basically whatever the case, if you're praying " send me Lord, I'll go" in your quiet time, then God can and just might no doubt change your life season by season and intentionally use you and the gifts that he's placed inside you in any field he calls you to. He's God like that! Let's not ever put a limit on what he can do in us and through us! We're not subject to just one calling. In fact, I now believe we will probably have many callings in our lifetime! Which is too cool in my opinion. And every single season, whether it seams important or not, IS INDEED IMPORTANT.
And Boo boo, let's never forget, *preaching to myself as well*, God knows our hearts and intentions. So if our hearts are truly for Him, and He asks us to take a chill pill with whatever it is we got going on for a bit, just do it. We don't ever have to prove ourselves to Him or the world that we love God by doing this and that. HE KNOWS.
Now, I don't know who this is for, but if this wasn't for anyone but myself, then I'll just be here in this little corner of the world where God has me in this sweet season, and I'll be big chillin. And as for the next season? Who knows. But Lord knows his girl stays ready.
Romans 8:28 - All things work for the good of those who love God, who are CALLED according to his PURPOSE. :)
If this was for you, pray feel free to pray this with me: "Father God, you are so good and your grace is so sufficient. Thank you so much for your patients with me. Help me to trust your will for my life in every season, Lord. Even the ones that are uncomfortable. For I know that all things work for me because I love you. Help me to fully release my plans to you. Make my desires your desires for me. Continue to mold and shape me into the women/man of God that you created me to be. And help me to never get so caught up in my calling that I forget about my purpose to make you known. In Jesus name I pray, amen."
Many blessings to you my friend, Muah! - Bran