"I'm just gonna let this off my chest." I said randomly towards my husband who was casually scrolling on Facebook, in his recliner, relaxing from his long day. "Okay, what's up." He responded in a chipper tone while placing his phone on his lap, signaling that he was giving me his attention. And there I went, venting about something that had been on my heart for a few days. He allowed me to go on for a bit, nodding his head here and there, eye contact and all. "So yeah... there it is. I said it." I released, once finished. "I agree." He again, responded with a chipper tone. I could tell he had a good day. Which I was glad to see, but I on the other hand had a mentally tiring day do to tossing and turning the night prior. I don't know about you, but I get easily irritated when I haven't had a good nights sleep. Minutes had passed and realizing how good it felt to vent, and how I had my husbands full attention, I decided I wanted to "vent" a little more. Did I have more to vent on? No. But I found things to vent about. On and on I went as he listened and I just allowed my mouth to keep moving. And honestly, it was nothing positive that was coming out of my mouth. It was venting that turned into complaining. I even realized it, yet kept on yapping. After a few minutes, I returned to the kitchen where I proceeded to do the dinner dishes and realized that my neck was becoming tight. Yet, there I stayed within that grip of negativity. I was no longer yapping, but my internal being was just in an ugly funk. I could feel it. "Beloved.." I could hear the Holy Spirit whisper, nudging me to release it to Him. *DING DONG*, the door bell went off. I looked at my husband in wonder. "Oh my gosh, is it the neighbors again?" I said in a complaining tone, neck tight as well as my upper back beginning to tighten. Stephen went to answer the door. From where I stood in my kitchen I could hear the neighbors kids once again thanking him for tutoring them earlier that evening. He walked up to the kitchen holding a silver platter that had all kinds of Syrian food. I had already made dinner, and they brought us food the evening prior as well. "Great, now I have to put all this food up and wash more dishes. We still haven't even eatin' what they brought us last night. Ugh! Why do they keep bringing us food?!" I snapped with ungratefulness. "BABE, THAT'S ENOUGH." Stephen blurted sternly. "These people are thanking us for helping them. That's why they're bringing food. It's a kind gesture." He shook head in frustration and walked into our bedroom to change out of his uniform that he was still in.
I could tell his cheerful spirit had become damp with my negative mood that I had been projecting all evening. And I felt disappointed that I had allowed myself to go there. Yes, I was mentally tired from running all day on a few hours of sleep, but I had many chances to tame my tongue, or slow down to ease my mind, and I chose not to. And it was quite obvious of the affects it brought into our home. Literally the whole atmosphere changed from peaceful, to heavy because of my tongue. I began to think of the advice I had given a good friend of mine just the day before "the power of life and death is in the tongue. Whenever you feel the urge to speak negatively over your life, think about what you're about to put into your atmosphere." Yet, there I was was choosing to put death into our home. "Forgive me Lord." I whispered as my head hung for a second. I looked at the food that was obviously well prepared and made with love. It literally came on a silver platter. "Bless our neighbors for their kind hearts. And... I'll do better tomorrow." I immediately felt a peace come over me.
Have you ever been there? Had a fleshy kind of day where you just wanna let it take control? Thank God for the Holy Spirit that gently nudges us and gives us a choice. A choice to humble ourselves and give it all to Him. "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
So if that has ever been you and you feel like you ruined it, or could have done better with your words and attitude, good news... You didn't ruin it and you CAN do better! Simply humble yourself in all of your humanness, (vent to God on what's bothering you, trust me.. He can handle any rachetness) then allow Him to pour His unimaginable peace over you. You'll THEN feel the power to control your tongue before it goes off throwing bombs and making an unnecessary war between you and a loved one or ones.
Remember, we're all on a growth journey. So when you miss the mark, (because you will from time to time.. you're human) extend some grace to yourself. Then get back up and try again. That's truly what matters in the end. Is that you didn't give up on becoming better one day at a time. :)
With so much love,
Your girl, Brand :)
