*DEET DEET DEET!!* My alarm went off at 7:30am one fine Monday morning. I would say I rose with delight and ease, bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager to seize the day. But that would be total a lie. Truth is, I didn't wanna rise and shine. We had spent the weekend doing this and that, here and there (sure, in the best of ways) however, Monday, as it seams to always do, came so sudden, and I felt like I just wanted to have a morning of rest. Or laziness.. again if I can be real here.
I laid there in my ever so soft bed for a solid minute trying to piece together the ironic hiking dream that I had. Then, shaking that distraction off and focusing on my to do's for the day, I remembered Fridays dinner with an elder couple that my husband, Stephen, and I have become good friends with over the past two years. During dinner, the conversation somehow went from war talk with the guys, to tears streaming my sweet friends soft and aged cheeks. Again, I can't quite put my finger on where the conversation went crashing, but I realized that the words my dear friend was trying to push out sounded so familiar. Words that break my heart to hear anyone say. Words that I know first hand take an immense amount of courage to allow out of our mouth. No matter how long the memory has been sitting on the hurting heart.
She cut herself off when she felt that she was saying too much. I personally wanted her to let that thing on her chest out. But I sensed, with my husband, and even her husband at the table, she didn't feel at liberty to continue. In seeing that, I grabbed her hand, gave a gentle smile, and asked "do you have time for coffee Monday morning?" She looked up with glossy eyes and a slightly red nose and replied "yes, I would love that."
So back to my rising morning thoughts, and my slumbered soul. Remembering my coffee date, I then rose with ease, walked over to my desk, and threw myself in the word of God. For some odd reason, I felt a prompt to read the story of Deborah, in the book of Judges. (If you have yet to read it, Judges 4 & 5 would be the place. Very inspiring text for women of God.) "What a women.. what a warrior.." I thought. (Side note: isn't it the coolest on how we can re-read the same text from The Word, yet still gain fresh revelation and insight each time?..... And they say Gods word isn't alive. Pff.." *eye roll*.) Anywho, I then began to think about a book that was just gifted to me, Kingdom Women by Tony and Chrystal Evans. I'm only on the third chapter, but I already see what the message is: How precious and useful women are to the Kingdom of God. With that word tucked in my heart, I went into prayer for my dear friend, did some morning chores, then 9:20am came like 8am never occurred. I headed over to my elder friends house, and felt her anticipation on me coming when she answered the door with glee. "Buenos Diaz Brandy!!" She exclaimed. "Buenos diaz!" We embraced each other with a warm hug and went to sit for that hot cup of coffee.
After about an hour of small chit chatter, I could tell she wanted to go deeper with the conversation but also sensed, once again, that she just didn't feel at ease to go there with her husband sitting right there taking care of paper bills. So, she casually invited me upstairs. We sat and got comfy on her queen sized bed wrapped with a pastel yellow comforter. Plenty of natural lighting shooting through her open windows, bouncing off of the cream walls that made the atmosphere feel open. And without waisted time, she took a deep shaky breath, explained how she could barely sleep on Friday night after almost letting out what was on her chest, looked up and said "But it's time.." There for another hour I sat and listened to my friends life story in which I could tell she had never shared before. She had been sexually abused throughout her childhood by a very close relative. A man that everyone in her family loved, so she dared not share with anyone as to what had been happening. I mean, who would believe her? Is what would run through her mind at least.
Now, near her 70's, for the first time in her life, she finally gained the strength to share with someone. I'm honored for it to have been me. Before I left, of course we prayed, but all I could tell her was how proud I was of her courage to SPEAK UP. How I too know the lies that the enemy will try and tell us when we have done something wrong or when something wrong has been done to us. "You can't do that because remember what you did." "You can't tell anyone, because who will believe you?" "You should be ashamed of yourself." Ohhh the clever lies that the he can whisper and keep us in the dark with. Making us feel as if we are all alone. No one will understand. They will judge me. etc.
But Sister, based off of the past few weeks, I can begin to count how many women just in my little world who have found the strength to come forward and release what has been eating at the purity of their hearts. "I can't believe I'm about to say this... I've never told anyone." Words from other women in my life who have chosen to SPEAK UP. I find that there is no coincidence that women, and maybe even men, sense a heavy prompt to bring dark things to the light. My conclusion? Based off of the releasing of words and the readings of where I sense the Lord prompting me to read, I believe He is calling His women to rise up and SPEAK. Ohh I believe that God has chosen Deborahs, Jaels, Esthers, Marys, Hannahs, and Annas that have simply been bound and silenced by shame; unable to mobilize their calling because of it. I believe those women will read this short blog and their hearts will thump with "that's me.. I feel this, I have been feeling like I need to speak up.." And as your sister in Christ, I would have to agree. There's this motto that I used, in which the Holy Spirit taught me when it was my time to heal, which was "FEEL DEAL. HEAL." As a women who too had been victimized by sexual abuse as a child, along with other types of abuse, The Lord taught me how reading and digesting His word, staying near to Him and simply using my words to release what's inside is the tool for healing. For me and the listeners. There was something powerful about the first, second and now probably 100th time that I was/am able to share my story. Each time that I would share it in the beginning, I would heal a little more. And before you start freaking out thinking I'm saying to go Facebook Live and share, Heavens no. I don't mean to tell it to the masses, (unless you have been with The Lord and He is saying otherwise), what I mean is to a trusted friend for starters. From there, as you embark on this part of your healing, the Lord will lead you as to where to share next. or if there even is a next time. "Why should I share this? This is personal to me. I don't want anyone to know." You may say. And hey girl, I understand.
I know that there will be some that simply need to tell that one trusted person for their healing sake, (a God fearing friend, a pastor, a counselor, etc) and that's it. And I respect that, one hundred percent. However, there will be those who will catch a pouring of Holy Spirit strength to share and keep sharing.. then you'll look up, see the look on the face of the listener, the tears rolling down their cheeks and hear him or her say "that happened to me too.. I have never known how to tell anyone." Or simply the words like... "thank you so much for sharing your story with me." And what happens then? Not only do you feel empowered because you no longer have a "dark secret" burdening you. And not only will you be on your way to complete freedom and fulfilling your kingdom destiny with no shame; no longer bound by the lies of the enemy holding you back from telling someone. But you will give the listener or listeners the hope and courage to come forth with their hurts or mistakes that they just may have been ashamed to admit or share. Helping them know that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1) But how we can and will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. (Rev. 12:11)
Again, after sharing such things (wisely choosing with discernment whether to share names or keep certain people anonymous) , we as women can truly rise to the full potential in whom God has created us to be. I see the foothold of secrecy that the enemy has had on Gods daughters. Those who have been raped, molested, abused, trafficked, have had an abortion, miscarriages etc. But are now running after Gods own heart. I hear the Lord saying "release them!" I see chains of shame and guilt hitting the floor. I see my sisters running their race FREELY! Fully receiving our Fathers sufficient and unending mercy and grace. Speaking their truth, with strength and dignity. Enhancing the Kingdom of God, and glorifying His Holy name with their lives. Owning the fact that what happened to them or what they did, wasn't Gods original plan for their life, but out of His grace, only allowed because He knew He could use it as a part to mold them into the strong women they are today, and continue to become. The very reason why the enemy worked so hard to keep them from breaking free. Keeping them silent.
Well, NO MORE. Rise and speak, women of God.
You ready to run, Sis? I'll lace up with you.
Praying for you..
With so much love, your girl, Brand.
*Full disclosure, though my friend remains anonymous in this blog, I received her permission to share this short story. Her words: "Please do, I know I'm not the only one."*
